Many people are suffering in bad relationships because they are so fearful of being single, which they call “being alone” and equate that to mean lonely, depressed, undesirable and/or hopeless. Their self-worth is based on being in a relationship and they don’t know how to be a “Successful Single.”
I help people in this situation discover who they really are-what they like to do, where they like to go; what brings them pleasure and what makes them feel fully alive.
Up until now, you may have buried yourself in your relationship or family and just gone along with whatever your partner wanted, never stopping to figure out who you are, what makes you tick, what brings you joy and pleasure. Maybe what you really wanted to do was take an art class, travel the world, feed the homeless or change your career! And now the relationship is not fulfilling or downright bad, but you’re afraid to leave because you fear being “alone,” sad or miserable, and you think you have no resources to become healthy, happy, strong, fulfilled and even perhaps excited, elated and positive about the future, as a single.
If you’re already single, you may share some of these same issues.
You may feel embarrassed to admit that you’re afraid to be single, and I understand that it’s a real feeling and that it can be paralyzing for you. Many of my clients have felt the same way you do. What they found after we worked together is that through their willingness to open up to possibility and explore all options, they discovered who they really were, what they really loved to do and became so much happier, fulfilled–sometimes even ecstatic–and were living the life they thought wasn’t available to them before. What’s more, they never looked back.
You may be feeling guilty that you’re not feeling fulfilled. You may be too afraid to consider leaving a bad relationship. You may be afraid of upsetting the family structure–not wanting to put the children through a divorce.
Not everyone has to leave a bad or unfulfilling relationship to experience the joy in discovering themselves. Often, when the partner who is afraid to leave a relationship starts the discovery process and finds out who they really are and what brings them joy, the relationship, itself can shift and become better and more fulfilling.
I can help you navigate the journey, no matter where you are now-married, living together, or already single/divorced.
Case Study 1
One of my clients lived in a very unfulfilling, unhappy marriage for 20+ years, with an alcoholic husband who, although he finally stopped drinking, still wasn’t the partner she wanted or deserved. When she came to me, she was depressed and desperate. Through our work together, she realized she needed to pursue her own search for meaning and fulfillment in her life. As she worked through this process, and when she was on the verge of leaving the marriage, her husband miraculously started changing and becoming the person she felt he was when they married. Now, 3 years after she had plans in place to leave, they’re almost like newlyweds. She is more fulfilled as a person; pursuing her own interests, as she discovered and worked toward what brought her pleasure when she was preparing to venture out on her own. Now, as a couple they’re pursuing activities and interests that bring them both joy. This was never an outcome she anticipated when she started this process, and had she never pursued her path of self-discovery, most likely this wouldn’t have been the mutually happy ending they’re both living and enjoying.
Case Study 2
When I met another client of mine, she was paralyzed and fearful at the very thought of leaving her very bad and emotionally abusive relationship. She was petrified of being alone and worried she wouldn’t be able to make it financially, and yet she knew she was dying inside by staying. As we worked together, she gained strength, confidence and finally felt self-assured and empowered enough to leave the relationship. That was over 3 years ago, and through her self-discovery process, was able to pursue artistic endeavors that she formerly was criticized for even considering. Through this avenue, she met the man who recently became her new husband, and she is happier now than ever, as they both pursue their respective artistic paths.
Case Study 3
In another situation, a client of mine was again fearful of leaving her marriage, which was both emotionally and verbally abusive. She was the “good wife” who put up with it. It took her awhile to realize that she could make it on her own; that she didn’t have to fear “being alone,” and that she had lots of support from family and friends. Through the process of working with me, she was able to become more empowered and leave the relationship. She now has high self-esteem, confidence and strength. She feels she’s a much better mother to her children as she is more fully present with them because she feels immeasurably better about who she is.
And, please realize that becoming a “Successful Single” does NOT mean you can’t find a wonderful partner in the future; only this time, you would be more likely to pick a partner with whom you are more fulfilled and empowered in the relationship, as you have become more fully awakened to who you are and what your needs, wants and desires are. You have become a Successful Single and thus can be a more Successful Partnered person, as well.
Case Study 4
I had a single client who was fairly successful in her business life, though there were aspects of her job that she didn’t like. Because of her dissatisfaction with her life–both professionally and personally, she secretly continued to date a man who was also in a relationship with a woman from out of town, thus emotionally unavailable to my client. Through our work together she acknowledged that she was not living in integrity with her values and wanted to start rebuilding her self-esteem as she explored her core beliefs and pursued other interests. On my recommendation (due to her anxiety and stress level), she started yoga classes, making them a priority in her life. She also joined a running team, whose purpose was to prepare the members for marathons in various parts of the country. She had never run before and found she thrived on the challenge, the workout and the collegiality. She was more self-assured and excited about life, and thus was able to stop seeing the man who was already in another relationship. She was finally able to see that instead of constantly complaining about her unfulfilling job, she needed to pursue other opportunities and began a job search which took her out of state and away from her established support system; something that was difficult for her, though she felt it was part of her growth. She boldly, joyfully and confidently made the move, a changed woman, from all of her hard work, having recreated herself as a strong, confident and capable “Successful Single.”
If you’re feeling hesitant or afraid to start this process, I suggest that you meet with me for 3-5 sessions so you can see how I work, how we work together and then assess how you feel before going further. If you don’t feel it is a fit, then I would be happy to refer you to another practitioner.
What I have found that clients relate to in working with me is that I have a lot of life experience as well as extensive professional training. I have over 20 years of working with clients on these and other issues and I have been both married and a “Successful Single.” One client always referred to me as her PFRM (Positive Female Role Model). As a Successful Single, I am very happy with myself; I have lots of friends who care about me (and about whom I care), I lead a very active life, always going for the gusto; not wanting to miss out on anything. I have no regrets and I truly enjoy helping others discover their ability to be happy, Successful Singles, as well. My clients report that I am very understanding, compassionate, warm, wise, down-to-earth and very present with them. I see each person as unique and special and I strive to bring forth their wonderfulness for them to experience in a way they often never have.
Are you ready to imagine yourself actually cherishing being single??
Then I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter so you can get regular articles on creative ways to be Successful Singles as well as articles to help support you in your process.